My Bold and Innovative Platform

To alleviate the effects of child poverty, all children aged 10-13 will be put to work in the mines.
To support the Albertan oil industry, along with preserving Canada's economic history, the Rhinoceros Party will construct a pipeline directly into Hudson's Bay.

To eliminate hallway healthcare, all hospitals will be redesigned with an open floor plan.
To mitigate the rising cost of prescription drugs for Canadians, the Rhinoceros Party will institute a groundbreaking pharmacare plan providing all Canadians the first hit for free.

To celebrate Saint Patrick's Day each year, Lake Ontario will be dyed green.
Expand the Incentive for Zero-Emissions Vehicles tax credit to include people who set Teslas on fire.
The Rhinoceros Party will tax the axe, implementing a sweeping levy on wood-chopping equipment.

To dispose of dead stock US liquor, Kentucky bourbon will be included as part of all free school meals.

The Rhinoceros Party will deliver unprecedented investments in high-speed rail along the Quebec City-Windsor Corridor.
To ensure the longevity of rail infrastructure, Transport Canada will institute a national speed limit of 27.9 kilometres per hour for all trains.

Deport Justin Bieber.
To advance recognition of the self-determination rights of Indigenous Peoples, Canada will annex Greenland.

Following the example of industry leaders, the Government of Canada will steal technology from US tech firms.
All National Research Council employees will be given ketamine to increase productivity.
To foster competition among Canadian cell providers and allow for start ups to get a foot in the door, the CRTC will introduce minimum phone bills.

To crack down on illegal immigration and drug smuggling at the northern border, the Rhinoceros Party will impose a 200% tariff on all goods coming through Hans Island.
The Rhinoceros Party will pursue aggressive negotiating tactics with the US administration to win the ongoing trade war, through measures such as blocking access to Pornhub for US IP addresses.
Blow up Toronto.
Rename the Gulf of Maine to the Gulf of New Brunswick.
Build a Canadian Death Star battle station to re-assert our sovereignty and meet NATO funding commitments.

Pass a law requiring Vancouver to play itself in films and television.
Make August 24th a federal holiday commemorating the burning of the White House.
To support Canadian hockey teams, provide each player with anabolic steroids.
Mandate Nickelback to be played at all border inspection stations.
Recognizing its historic Francophone roots, the Government of Canada will purchase Louisiana and make it part of Quebec.
Make pig latin the working language of Parliament.
Recognize Justin Trudeau's birthday as a statutory holiday.